ATTENTION:

Okay. It's finals week. I am pretty stressed out. For example, my stomach lining is eating itself and my brain is coming out of my nose and ears.

So if anyone reading this in the 60614 area code has some pimples/blackheads they would like extracting, please let me know. This bizarre ritual helps me relieve tension and I only have just ONE ZIT on my face and it's the kind that HURTS REAL BAD AND COULD BE REALLY REALLY JUICY BUT IT JUST. WON'T. POP.

I think I have finally beaten puberty and my oil glands have stop being excited that they exist, because all this year I have possessed an uncannily clear complexion.

So if you'd let me go apeshit on your face I would then give you the biggest hug ever made.

("Biggest hug ever made" can easily turn into "oral sex," by the way.)

P.S. -- This is unrelated, but I am pretty sure that I am a camel. I have not peed since I drank a liter bottle and a 20 ounce bottle of water about, say, six hours ago.

That is 60 ounces of water in my body. For 6 hours.

Now I am halfway done another liter in an attempt to "drown it out."

It's like that cactus I let die in fifth grade has come back to possess my body and live vicariously through me.

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