Things I don't like:

-Children International Assholes personally attacking me on the street
-"Joy to the World" by Three Dog Night
-the smell of Nag Champa incense
-bars (I don't think I like them. I've never been.)
-television
-rich white folks pumped with botox and doused in expensive-scented cologne dominating Old Town at night
-papers
-stupid kids outside my window at 4 a.m. waking me up to loud, shitty music

Things I do like:

-my dad
-big headphones
-running
-lying in grass
-diners
-the smell of the city in spring
-most people
-Argo tea
-sleeping in underpants and a t-shirt
-getting mail
-GETTING TO PET PUPPIES ON THE STREET ALL THE FRICKEN TIME

I'm realizing that I feel more rebellious when I don't drink than when I do.

Also realizing I never have more fun when I drink than when I am sober.

I just ingest things that taste bad so I can act stupid and do/say things that I will not remember, and then feel like shit the next day. AND! Pick up unnecessary calories.

So drinking to get drunk is no longer something I will do.

Though I'm not completely ruling out lightly drinking wine, because it is delicious and compliments something I love even more than unicorns: food.

Also completely stopped smoking. Homegirl can't be running from zombies with tar-caked lungs.

Also purchased a 6lb. tub of peanut butter and loads of beef jerky in the event of a class 4 invasion.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?!?!

I FRICKEN LOVE STARBUCKS, OKAY?

FUCK YOU SNOBBY, "I ONLY BUY COFFEE FROM UNDERGROUND PLACES MANAMANANANANANANA STARBUCKS IS FOR YUPPIE-ASS MOTHERFUCKERS AND I AM JUST SOOOOOOOO NON-COMMERCIAL OMGOMGOMGOMG" WEINERS.

THERE IS A REASON WHY STARBUCKS IS SO POPULAR.

BECAUSE THEY BREW THE BEST COFFEE.

FIND ME A MORE CONVENIENT, BETTER TASTING CUP OF JOE, AND I WILL BECOME AN ELITIST HIPPIE ASSHOLE JUST LIKE YOU.

WE CAN CHEW GRANOLA AND READ CHOMSKY TOGETHER ON A HILL.

AND GET REALLY REALLY INVOLVED IN "THE COMMUNITY."

I WILL EVEN STAND BY YOU, SIPPING UNDERDOG COFFEE AS YOU PICKET X CAUSE TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE DOING YOUR PART IN SOCIETY.

OKAY?

IT'LL BE GREAT.

BUT UNTIL THEN, I WILL BE HAPPILY BOASTING A CONGLOMERATE LOGO ON MY FROZEN COFFEE MASTERPIECE.

ASSHOLE.

<< >>