This ladybug almost died lodged between my "t" and "y" keys, but I saved the day.

So at the past two family gatherings my sister has been getting tipsy and telling me how hot I am.

And how she thinks I look like a pin-up girl from the forties.

And how she makes me uncomfortable.

Nonetheless, I told her she could be on the Ultimate Survival Team when the zombies invade. She has a sizeable knowledge of herbs and natural remedies, which we might have to rely on in the new world.

By the way, I am reading this. Lindsay and I have formulated an Ultimate Survival Team in the rare event of a Class 3 zombie invasion. We also have a plan for a sweet escape/safe haven to live out our days until the living forge victory over the undead masses.

If you or anyone you know is skilled at a martial art specializing in escaping holds (rather than delivering blows), knows how to use/has access to a barrage of firearms, is able-bodied and lustful enough to plunge a trench spike through the skull of an undead lurker, or just plain owns an island! -- please contact me at [email protected]. You might just have the qualities we're searching for in a potential partner in survival.

The future will not contain life partners. IT WILL CONTAIN SURVIVAL PARTNERS.

But honestly and seriously -- since I have been reading up on the possibility of an undead apocolypse, it's really not seeming like such a bad idea.

I'm actually kind of psyched.

This is how I see it:

So I only really REALLY like about forty or so people in the world today. (And by "really really like" I mean "would like to repopulate the post-apocolyptic world with").

I know, or have met and been familier enough with probably over 3,000 people in my lifetime. (Keep in mind that I have attended three different colleges, a myriad of summer camps, and been involved in a shitload of theater. My high school alone consisted of 1,600 people. It's not that big a number).

To say that I really only like about forty of the three thousand people I know is somewhat depressing. (Heads up: I am now going to dance around between the first, second, and third person voices because I am too sleepy to correct myself).

But how bad would it be to only be in contact -- only even SEE -- the forty people that you really, really like. Albeit you're fighting zombies and have no cell phones or internet or anything...

But just picture only having to interact with the people you really, honestly enjoy. You don't even have to look at the people you don't want to high five.

Eh, not so bad! Maybe even... good?

And hey. Zombies can eat the 2,960 of you I have lukewarm feelings towards.

The forty of us are happy, zombies are well-fed, buttfaces that got eaten don't know the difference, and the world is good.

<< >>