I don't understand peanut butter's preoccupation with presenting itself as "the choosy choice."

As I perused the aisles of Dominick's for the nth time this week, I noticed that every single variety of peanut butter brightly boasted on its label that it was the "choosy choice."

I am aware that moms like you choose Jif, and there is an underlying subtext that a mom like you is also a "choosy" mom. Now, of course, they flaunt it right on the label. Jif leaves nothing up for speculation, now that its counterparts in the peanut butter race are stepping up to the plate and claiming that if you are a "choosy" person, by Zeus, you must choose to purchase our peanut butter.

But Peter Pan? Choosy?

Before they advertised themselves in this way, I had always thought of Peter Pan as the "eh, fuck it" mom's choice in peanut butter. In my mind, it was definitely made from the parts of the peanut we'd rather not talk about. The FDA clearly must have cracked down on this corrupt whorehouse of peanut spread manufacturing or something.

But! I would still allow there to be some sort of mulling over/adjustment-type period before I were to proudly identify myself as a "choosy choice," after so recently being the "I know I could do better, but I will settle for less" choice. Have a little tact, you guys. Honestly!

And don't even get me started on Skippy. The muckraking I would have to do to uncover the seedy underbelly of this formerly un-choosy choice -- I think it's better left underground.

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