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12:20 p.m. on 02-01-05
Let us say, for arguement's sake, that you are raging to take a poo, but there is someone else brushing their teeth/peeing/drying their hair/etc. in the bathroom.
If you really have to poop it is going to be painfully obvious that you are pooping while the other person goes on silently doing their task du jour.
Take me right now, for instance. I really, really have to poop right now, but a girl who I rarely talk to from my side of the hall is in there brushing her teeth. Now, if this were a friend, I could joke around and say something like, "HEY GUESS WHO'S TAKING A SHIT!"
But there's that barrier with moderate strangers. That "ooooh! Is it okay to talk about my bowel functions with you?!?" barrier.
Especially if they see you walk into a stall. They get to see your "before poop" face and your "after poop" face. They will have proof that you are a real, live human being with actual body functions. GROSS!
Oh well, fuck it, here I go.
Alright. That felt good.
Anyway, so last night we played Hide and Seek. It was pretty incredible. I hid in the first floor unisex bathroom and was prepared for someone to walk in, turn the lights on and see me hiding behind the door.
I was either going to act completely oblivious to their presence while they uncomfortably peed, or I was going to say, "OKAY THIS IS NOT AS CREEPY AS IT LOOKS -- I AM PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK."
But they'd probably just be like, "Funny! THAT'S WHAT ALL THE PERVERTS SAY."
I have also uncovered a very important misconception I have always had about my personality.
See, turns out I am not indecisive.
I just don't care.
Let us use breakfast as an example. Shall I have the blueberry muffin, or the bagel?
See, both of these choices are so similar to me, so I am basically making the same decision whatever pastry I choose.
They pretty much cancel each other out.
You can't call a person decisive if they only make the same decision over and over again.
Or something.
Goddamnit, all of this sounded ten times better in my head.
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