Something is troubling me.

I am a psychology major, but all I do in my psych class is sit there watching the clock, doing my Kegel exercises (I've gotten up to a thirty second clench!). On occasion, I will also think about sex or what it would be like to fly.

I feel like spiders are crawling on my feet in the weirdest way. If I saw a guy wearing a purse I think I would orgasm by laughing too hard.

So maybe I should stop drinking wine on school nights? But I have class really late tomorrow, and I always feel so giddy. I am pretty giddy as it is, but wine just takes it up to eleven (on a scale of one to eight).

Even though I think I definitely write definitely more, like, worse-er. Totally.

So sorry to disappoint my growing fan base. I think this entry might possibly be a stinker. But don't worry! Ima get better!

Let's just talk about how much I am craving one of those really gross Uncrustables peanut butter jelly sandwiches right now. Even though I have never eaten one before. But they are in a perfect circle shape! Wow! That's gotta be delicious!

...

Okay, eff that.

Let's just talk about how freaking bad I wanted sexual healing tonight but smoked about a billion cigarettes to cure my oral fixation, played "Would you rather," and owned a few rounds of Tetris instead.

And maybe masturbated in the shower in about... say, 20 minutes.

I took a kickboxing class today and looked like a total autistic kid trying to punch out imaginary ninjas or something.

See, I am drunk enough to make fun of retarded people, but not drunk enough to proposition attractive boys for sex.

It's like an imaginary meter.

Also I am getting really insanely good at typing while iNtoXiCayTeDdD, which is redundant to say because you are obviously firsthand witnessing my amazing skills. It's like saying Michelle Kwan is good at doing triple lutzes. I mean, DUH.

So Beth said that when she wears belts two holes too tight she always has to poop.

The end.

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