On the crowded, holiday-shopping-tourist ridden street of Michigan Avenue, there were two fat white men with pamphlets screaming at everyone with ears that we were all sinners and going to Hell.

To this I replied,

""

To this he replied,

(headphonesmuffledallaudiofromannoyingperson)

This finger is necessary for living in a city full of the haggling homeless, curbside preachers, exhibitionists, and the otherwise bad at life. The flipoff is almost becoming involuntary to me.

It's because I'm slowly morphing into Eminem.

Or PUNK ROCK!!!!1!!@##!134133221!11#34

Which reminds me:

While flying it solo at the Saosin show last week waiting for the shitty bands to be over, some guy who looked exactly like one of these...

...only with green hair and a fashion forward "fcuk" t-shirt started talking to me about how he was in grad school and loved STRUNG OUT and HATEBREED and OTHER TOTALLY AMAZING REBELLIOUS BANDS and was a HALITOSIS CLOSE TALKER.

Ya know, one of these awesome guys who love to hear themselves talk and think that if a girl is alone it means she's LONELY and HORNY when it actually means none of her friends here like the same music she does.

(Except for one or two and it was last minute and she's totally not a loser, she's a LONER. The two may just be one letter away, but the difference is MAJOR.)

Anyh�.

So this guy.

He's droning on and on about how amazingly awesome he is, then a band comes on and I think I am rid of him, but then he pops back up out of nowhere and "friendly arm punches" me.

Despite my visible recoil, he then has the nerve to call me "Meg."

WHAT THE WHAT THE.

This is when it would be handy to be able to vomit on command.

But I just stopped responding to him and eventually he got the picture.

So the moral of the story is:

People who don't respect my personal space and who pretend like they know me better than I do or force their opinions on me/anything within a 10yd. radius of me need to abort life.

P.S. - Smells that I am sick of smelling:

1. Ramen noodles. Why does everyone buy this and then complain about having to eat it. No one said you had to buy it.

2. Popcorn, burnt or regular. WHY DOES EVERYONE SUDDENLY EAT THIS NOW.

3. Tuna fish. Or your period. I don't know, it reeks, whatever it is.

4. Bath and Body Works and Axe sprays. I like to try to and devote only one of my five senses at a time to generic people, that usually being sight. But when you guys spray these things everywhere you remind me of your existence and I cry because you are not dead yet.

5. Laundry. Dirty. My fault entirely.

6. The bathroom. My fault partially.

7. Cigarette smoke wafting through my window. Granted I smoke a clove every once in awhile, but those smell like Christmas and CHRISTMAS SMELLS LIKE AWESOME.

8. Drunk people. I am also drunk on occasion, but should I choose to drink I always pack a little gum with me so I am not the most offensive person alive. I figure I am already going to be annoying enough as it is, might as well not smell bad while I'm at it.

9. The el, a.k.a. litrine to the drunk and homeless.

10. Computer lab. Just because I am sick of doing work.

11. Ugg boots.

...

Okay, I lied, I don't know what they smell like. How about you guys stop wearing them and we'll just call it even.

P.P.S. -- Hey, anyone remember senior week? Yeah me neither. But my standing on the Awesome Human Being Scale has just gone from Excellent to Triumphant for creating and being an active participant in this picture from the archives.

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