My insides hate me. They hate me so much.

So I had my stomach cramps again all yesterday and the day before. Passed out once, twice, three times a lady. Swallowed me some vom.

I think it's because God is mad at me for making fun of people from Baltimore.

But seriously, I don't think I would mind getting shot in the stomach now, because I know what it feels like. So bring it on, bad guys!

Sometimes I feel like one of those old grandpas who tells their grandkids to punch them in the stomach because they're still as brawny as a Clydesdale.

Shit. I love those old grandpas.

Still haven't written my placement essay... still suck... still haven't done that cool thing to my hair.

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap.

This little black rain cloud needs to get up off my grill, yo.

I got the sickest friends. Peep this: if y'all put togetha Lindsay's teeth, Kelly's vag, Katie's family, and my tummy -- you gots yoself the illest bitch eva.

I still think the funniest way to die would be an overdose of multivitamins, but Tums are a close second.

They start to taste like candy after awhile.

I am so chock full of antacids.

Consider yourself punked, belly. Consider yourself punked.

By the way, Summer of Sam is a great movie, if not just for the montage to "Baba O'Riley." I'm a sucker for a good montage, and this one really takes the cake.

Also, I wrote a possibly-crappy-but-I-like-it-anyway poem about my first love:

Thomas Jesse took his pulse by putting
a hand over his heart in gym class
While the rest of us pretended to
find the jugular.

His tiny body then seemed large in horizontal stripes and light blue Walmart jeans,
Unaware and careless of faded grass stains from
the big bad world of little boys.

He picked his nose and wiped it
under his desk when he thought
no one was looking.
He'd sneak a peek later during math,
taking secret pleasure in
surveying the damage.

He was the only one in the fourth grade with red hair and freckles,
Though I always considered myself to have both.

He told my mom he thought she was pretty,
Just like me!
But he never told me.
He just laughed at my stupid jokes and
played Helicopter with the girls at recess.

He held my hair at the water fountain while
Steven Loughery counted to three and
told me to move.

I always wanted him to kiss me.

---

P.S. - Harvey Danger never stopped rockin' it.

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