"You can keep as many as you can swallow."
11:05 p.m. on 02-11-04
It is called Marathon Man, and coincidentally stars my steady boyfriend: Dustin Hoffman in 1976.
But before we get into that, let me just go on record for saying that the only advantage boys have over girls is that you guys can wear pink and it can be funny.
But if I ever do anything like that, I just end up looking like a jackass.
You guys can also look hot in tight jeans.
Wait.
Hey, wait a second, GIRLS STARTED THAT!
Goddamnit, first you made us cover for you about that apple so God wouldn't kick you out of paradise, then you bind our feet, then you say we're second class citizens, then you rape us because you and your guy friends can't agree on stupid bullshit and like to kill each other, then you don't let us go to school, then you make us wait LIKE 4EVAH to vote, then you invent porn and breast implants (just to make us feel a little MORE inadequate), then you rape us some more, then you sexually harass us in the workplace, and then YOU STEAL OUR FASHION SENSE.
WHAT THE WHAT THE... ?!
Man, I hate you guys. Now come have sex with me.
Okay, and one more thing: when I get famous, I don't want to be famous just because I'm pretty, like Keanu Reeves... and Geoffery Rush (hawhawhaw, just kidding). I want to be famous based on my talent and integrity.
If not famous, then just "no-no-notorious, notorious. SHA! beep bow beep, (blinkyblinkyblinky) beep baw bonk (blinkblonk); beep bow beep, (blinkyblinkyblinky) beep baw bonkdadonkdonk deek (repeat)." --Duran Duran, feat. main riff
Some respected psychoanalysts might say some people are having "delusions of grandeur."
Some respected psychoanalysts might also say that some people have an inflated self-concept.
But some people would say that some respected psychoanalysts are FAT.
HAHAHA.
Um, you guys know that I'm not really this full of myself and I'm just doing it to be funny, right?
...
Oh, who am I kidding.
I'm so hot I dream about having sex with myself.
But anyway, I guess the main point of this entry (to tell you guys about how awesome Marathon Man is) is pretty much defeated.
I've tangeanted myself into an abyss of ADD.
But go watch it anyway, it's an amazing film. Though after you see it, you will never want to go to the dentist or a concentration camp ever again.
But you will have an expert knowledge in Dustin Hoffman's tight little booty. I've never wanted someone to turn around more in my life.
Stay tuned for next week's episode, where Megan gets a big ass part in "Noises Off" and finally talks to Hot French Guy!
P.S. -- I could so easily fall in love with Myles Kitchen. Man, if there was one thing I regret about high school it would be treating him like a hook-up machine instead of for the awesome person that he is.
Wait, that's not true, I wanted to have a relationship with him, but he started acting really weird (and not in a good way) towards me. And then I got really drunk and made an ass of myself one or seven times. End scene. Nevermind, no regrets.
<< >>
SELECT: