Home is neat. I like my friends. I like having friends. All... both of you. (Rim shot).

I also like eating food that tastes good that I don't have to pay for.

And masturbating WHENEVER I FREAKING PLEASE!

WOOOHOOoo... hoo.

I mean, I guess that's fun. It would still be cooler if someone could do it for me.

Not because I'm lonely and want a boyfriend -- my hand just gets kind of tired. Tis the season, gentlemen.

Oh yeah. It's weird when girls talk about masturbation. Sorry. 4got, LOLX0RZ!!!11 LIKE OMG!!1

I also like watching cable television, dishwashers who aren't named "Megan," using two-ply toilet paper, and long walks in my driveway.

HeyguesswhatChristmasistomorrowandIhavetogobuypresentsandthespacebarisnotrequiredforthissentence!

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