I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE HAVE GIRLFRIENDS.

AND THEY AREN'T ME.

If I see one more artsy couple with fashion forward haircuts and Urban Outfitters attire, I WILL CURB MYSELF RIGHT THEN AND THERE.

Just one more pair of skinny people who don't smile. One more. That's all I need.

ONE MORE PAIR OF COFFEE-SHOP-HAUNTING-CUFFED-JEANS-SAUCONY-SHOE-WEARING-"UNDERGROUND-MUSIC"-LISTENING-HANDS-HOLDING-STAR-TATTOOED-CIGARETTE-SMOKING-FRIENDSTER-FRIENDING-LIVEJOURNAL-WRITING-MAKEOUTCLUB-MAKEOUTING PEOPLE KISSING IN FRONT OF ME...

I WILL TAKE BOTH OF THEIR 50 POUND BODIES AND GRIND THEM UP INTO EXTRA VEGAN TOFU PEOPLEBALLS.

AND SHUT IT UP, YOU. I KNOW I'M ON DIARYLAND.

I'm not sure if I hate it because I want it, or I hate it because I hate it.

I think it's both.

But mostly because I hate it.

DON'T YOU ALL KNOW THAT YOU'RE ALL VERY SIMILAR PEOPLE?! AND JUST BECAUSE ONE OF YOU HAS DIESAL JEANS AND THE OTHER ONE HAS FCUK FASHIONWEAR... DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE... UM...

Yeah just shut up.

Go out with me instead. I'm way cooler than all of you. I'm the ultimate hipster. I am the scene.

And I got nice tits.

<< >>