I have said this before, but wearing invisaligns while chewing ice is like swimming with your clothes on.

I am not chewing ice right now.

I am trying to stop myself from ripping this plastic excuse for Satan out of my mouth.

The bold text below will be the dorkiest thing I have ever said.

So I was breaking in my 7th set of retainers since last Tuesday, but then on Thursday for some reason I hadn't put them in yet and they somehow ended up in the toilet and on the floor and in the dumpster and under Kenneth Roar's foot and then back in my pocket.

I haven't worn them since.

But it occured to me tonight that if I want to keep up with this HollywoodSmile2K plan, I had better step it up.

So my roommates planted this idea in my head that it was a good idea to boil the bacteria off of the retainers.

Maybe I'm just too good at melting stuff, because no one's mouth should EVER look like the end product of that deformed (albeit germ-free) mess.

And I threw away set number 6 from last week, so I'm stuck with the number 8's.

Which feel like some kind of device they might have used during the Spanish Inquisition.

(Pardon me. I'm in college and I am awesome. I might lose my scholarship if I don't quote Monty Python right now.)

But no one ever EXPECTS a Spanish Inquisition.

But I do expect to have one decent blowjob pizza by the end of this school year.

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