I don't care if you're a fucking hippie who likes 'em au naturel.

You know why I don't care, boy?

Because I fucking enjoy dyeing my fucking hair. It fills my head with glee and chemicals.

And you know what? I LIKE WEARING MAKE-UP, TOO.

It's not because I think I have to live up to an impossible standard of beauty set by the entertainment industry in order for you to think I'm attractive.

If you'll kindly look at the stretch marks on my upper theighs, you'll see that I will fucking eat whatever I please.

No, Phil, no -- do you want to know why I wear make-up and dye my hair?

It's because I ENJOY BEING A GIRL IN THE 21ST CENTURY.

And my make-up is fucking classy. I don't do the cakey foundation and sparkley white eyeshadow Bonne Bell purple lip gloss shit. I look like a sexy movie star pretty much all the livelong day.

So you can go chew on your hemp and let your armpit hair blow effortlessly in the breeze.

I'll just be off somewhere, looking hotter than you.

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