A short segment from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by the great Douglas Adams
1:11 a.m. on 07-29-03


Zaphod stuck his head up for a dangerous moment.

"Hey," he said, "I thought you said you didn't want to shoot us!" and ducked again.

They waited.

After a moment a voice replied, "It isn't easy being a cop!"

"What did he say?" whispered Ford in astonishment.

"He said it isn't easy being a cop."

"Well, surely that's his problem, isn't it?"

"I'd have thought so."

Ford shouted out, "Hey, listen! I think we've got enough problems of our own having you shooting at us, so if you could avoid laying your problems on us as well, I think we'd all find it easier to cope!"

Another pause, and then the bullhorn again.

"Now see here, guy," said the voice, "you're not dealing with any dumb two-bit-trigger-pumping morons with low hairlines, little piggy eyes and no conversation, we're a couple of intelligent caring guys that you'd probably quite like if you met us socially! I don't go around gratuitously shooting people and then bragging about it afterward in seedy space-rangers bars, like some cops I could mention! I go around shooting people gratuitously and then I agonize about it afterward for hours to my girlfriend!"

"And I write novels!" chimed in the other cop. "Though I haven't had any of them published yet, so I better warn you, I'm in a meeeean mood!"

Ford's eyes popped halfway out of their sockets. "Who are these guys?" he said.

"Dunno," said Zaphod, "I think I preffered it when they were shooting."

"So are you going to come quietly," shouted one of the cops again, "or are you going to let us blast you out?"

"Which would you prefer?" shouted Ford.

A millisecond later the air about them started to fry again, as bolt after bolt of Kill-O-Zap hurled itself into the computer bank in front of them.

The fusillade continued for several seconds of near-quietness as the echoes died away.

"You still there?" called one of the cops.

"Yes," they called back.

"We didn't enjoy doing that at all," shouted the other cop.

"We could tell," shouted Ford.

"Now, listen to this, Beeblebrox, and you better listen good!"

"Why?" shouted Zaphod.

"Because," shouted the cop, "it's going to be very intelligent, and quite interesting and humane! Now--either you all give yourselves up now and let us beat you up a bit, though not much of course because we are firmly opposed to needless violence, or we blow up this entire planet and possible one or two others we noticed on out way out here!"

"But that's crazy!" cried Trillian. "You wouldn't do that!"

"Oh, yes we would," shouted the cop, "wouldn't we?" he asked the other one.

"Oh yes, we'd have to, no question," the other one called back.

"But why?" demanded Trillian.

"Because there are some things you have to do even if you are an enlightened liberal cop who knows all about sensitivity and everything!"

"I just don't believe these guys," muttered Ford, shaking his head.

One cop shouted to the other, "Shall we shoot them again for a bit?"

"Yeah, why not?"

They let fly another electric barrage.

----------------

Go read this book, please. Even if sci-fi is not your thang. It's not mine either.

...

Okay, so maybe I do dig the geek literature. But in any case, this book is hip, down, and cool. Go get your read on.

This pandimensional society builds this mega-computer to calculate the Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything, and after seven and a half billion years it finds out the answer is 42.

So then they had to build a bigger computer to find the Question to the Ultimate Answer, which was called the planet Earth, and 5 minutes before the 10 billion year program was finished, the Earth gets blown up.

The book is basically about the two guys who escape, and the mayhem that ensues.

Soooo good. On more than twelve occasions, I genuinely laughed out loud. I didn't just type "lol". In my head. Or... computer head...

Or just... computer...

Or... maybe not...

Hey, and remember where I was right about this time last year? Because I do. I was somewhere around Chapel Street, 'bout ready to bust some cappage (a made up word which to a dyslexic, would probably look like "cabbage." This is not supposed to contribute to the mood I was in last year at this time -- just an interesting anecdote on the world through the upside-down, backwards eyes of dyslexia).

Lets take a minute and reflect.

...(ellipsis working as a visual representation of reflection perioooood)...

Okay, time for cheese dip.




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