Man, Carlton is so white.

Even I am more black than Carlton. I am Compton compared to Carlton.

And Matt Damon just got about 12 times cooler than Ben Affleck.

He was cooler to begin with, and Ben lost most of his cool points due to his publicity smorgasbord with J. "fuck me paparazzi" Lo. Pez. Lopez.

But now that Matthew has hosted Saturday Night Live and made fun of Hannibal Lector, himself, and Justin Timberlake, his coolness has skyrocketed.

Oh, but what is bad is bad sunburn. HURTS TO SIT. OR SLIGHTLY SHIFT MY WEIGHT.

And Bruce Springsteen is not making it any better. I want a man with a voice like aloe.

The above sentence could easily be turned into a spinoff of a popular Cake song.

And what is good to do, is to play lots of computer pinball on the Mormon machine and get REALLY REALLY HIGH SCORES and say your name is "SHOW ME YOUR TITS!!1" or "SHOW ME YOUR TITS OR I WILL DIE!!1"

And question: do kids in trailer parks listen to emo music? And if so, do they write their own songs? Like "ohhhh-oh-oh you don't love me cause I'm your couuuusin... "

It's better when you hear me sing it.

Really.

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