Ok. I have a new favorite song.

Remember those guys who did the Detachable Penis song? Well, they wrote a lot of other songs too.

And they are the best in the land.

Go buy "The Psychopathy of Everyday Life" for $4 from your local Record and Tape Traders store location. It is well worth your expense.

***

Hamsters - King Missile

What is good to do, is to try to get hamsters to crawl into balloons. When you have balloons full of hamsters, you are going to be happy. You tie the balloons to your belt and walk around with a bunch of hamsters in balloons hanging off your belt and you're going to be happy. How could you not be happy with balloons full of hamsters hanging off of your belt?

Hanging around, walking... and then you could jog! Jog around with the hamsters. Make sure they're tied tight to your belt. You don't want them to fall off, like, cause what if you've got 7 hamsters in balloons hanging off of your belt and you're jogging and you're happy, but then a couple of them fall off?

But that's cool, you've still got five, that's enough. Still, then you keep jogging and maybe two or three more come off, and now it's getting not as much fun, and now it's... not a look anymore, now you've got two or three instead of a whole bunch.

And people are starting to notice, because if you've got a lot of hamsters hanging off of your belt people are gonna be like, "wow! That's a lot of hamsters!" But if you've only got two, people are gonna be like, "hey... what's with the hamsters?" Or like, if you only have one people are gonna come up and say, you know, like, "you've got a hamster hanging offa your belt." Like, like they're going to think maybe you didn't know, or it was an accident or something. And, and people are gonna say "hey! How come you got a hamster in a balloon hanging off of your belt?"

And what are you going to say? "Well, I left the house with seven, but six of them fell off"? People are going to think you're an idiot!

You see, you've got to be able to demonstrate that what you're doing is intentional, otherwise people will think you don't know what you're doing. And you've got to appear in the know. You've got to radiate an aura of control.

If you only have one hamster, next thing people are going to notice that your socks don't match, or you're wearing plaids and stripes or something.

And no one is going to take you seriously.

So I say, yeah, okay, hamsters. Balloons... and hamsters, yes. Yes. Very good. But make sure you've got enough! And make sure you tie them tight to your belt. Otherwise you're going to look like an idiot.

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