Let me just start off by saying, it's not really 3:33 p.m., but it would be a lot cooler if it was.

Hmmmmm, I fear I have started a twisted game of low blows to the belly.

Though I'm not sure if this one was intentional...

If it was, well, DIE, but if not, then I guess it's ok.

If "ok" to you means "not ok at all."

In the words of Ms. Shirley Bassey, it's all just a little bit of history repeating. And I thought I was over with this stuff.

My karma is krapma.

I just. Made that one up.

This whole schpeil is bizarrely funny, like how dead baby jokes are funny, because it's like... hm, how could this terrible thing possibly get any worse?

It's so awful, it's funny. Kind of. Except I'm not really laughing... ha, well, except at least I still have my friends.

Hey, getting called a bitch really sucks, doesn't it you nasty ugly cunty pus-filled goat sucking pimple popping shit snorting narky nerf-dwerking assfaceysaurus rex labia loving pissing grandma bitch-head hydrochloride. CUBED. BEAT THAT.

But I was just thinking, you know that part in Ferris Bueller when Cameron is talking to Mr. Rooney on the phone and he says, "godDAMNIT ROONEY!"

Well I think that's a really fine way to say goddamnit.

Though most things aren't "really fine;" if you're saying something is "fine" to begin with, it's just alright. But then to add the "really" in front of it, it's like saying, "well, that's FUCKING EXTREME FINE GOODNESS!"

Or something.

I'm having a hard time comprehending things right now, other than me being really, really Jenny Jonesed.

I use the term "Jenny Jonesed" because the people on that show usually get into big fights about quasi-trivial stuff like this.

BUT SOMETIMES THE TRIVIAL STUFF REALLY FUCKING FUCKITY FUCKER FUCKLE FUCKINATOR FUCKTOWN FUCKDIDDLY FUCKTASTIC FUCK FUCK FUCKING PISSES ME OFF!

ALL CAPS = FOR INTENSE, UBER-ANGRY EFFECT!

(A note to a highly sensitive individual: just in case you might be thinking this is about you Seth, don't worry... it's not...)

And I guess going here makes things an itty bitty super microscopic angstrom better.

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