Ok. I was happy for a second there.

But then I realized something.

There is a hidden ultimatum in all of this.

Auuugghhh! Boys cause me turmoil.

I hate it a lottttttttttttttttt.

So if I say yes to Pat, I hurt Kelly. If I say no to Pat, I hurt Pat. But keeping it at maybe will surely kill me.

Because elongated maybes are lethal, as I've come to find. Though it really is the easiest answer.

I'm going to end up hurting someone here.

And I'm not one to break hearts.

It is bad.

Oh, by the way, Pat asked me out. Pat has sperm.

That really weirds me out. Why? I don't know.

But if you knew Pat, and you knew he had sperm, you wouldn't want to go out with him.

But he would be a really neat boyfriend. Just... well... maybe, I don't know... not the best boyfriend for me...

He's so shy around me.

Which is nice, but you know, talking is nice too.

And he dresses nicely.

And he looks like Ross.

And he's very awkward and sweet.

And he steals campaign signs with me.

But... he's Pat. And he has sperm.

Not that all guys having sperm is weird, most guys can have sperm and not freak me out.

But he's... Pat! And... SPERM!

Chaos!!

Am I attracted to him? I don't know. I could become attracted to him. And I guess I did kind of have a little crush on him earlier this year.

But this whole time he's been driving me home and picking me up... and he's liked me. And he's had sperm.

Eeeich.

Maybe I'm a lesbian.

But probably not, because the thought of kissing a girl is 10 times nastier than kissing Pat.

Which is maybe not so nasty.

Or is it?

God, I just wish it never happened, because it's going to be awkward now regardless of my answer.

I want him to be my friend who is a boy. And I want Kelly to stay my friend. I want it to all go back to normal. But I guess that's not going to happen.

When it all boils down, I value friendship much more than boyfriend-ship. Though it would be nice to be on both of those ships at the same time.

I know what it feels like to have someone choose a romantic relationship over you. It could quite possibly be the worst feeling in the world.

Well, it's tied with rejection. And you know, either way I'll either be rejecting someone or choosing booty over a buddy.

Mother. Fucker.

So... tell me kids, what do you think? Should I go for it? Should I bite the bullet and face the sperm?

Or should I continue in my life of perpetual gawky single-ness, yet plentiful in the friend department?

Tell me things.

There is an e-mail address and guestbook on your right. Y'all been reading about my life long enough to have some opinion on the matter.

And my brain is playing tug-of-war with itself. Pretty soon it will explode.

In the words of the early Beatles, "help!"

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