Seeing as how my birthday is somewhat rapidly approaching (October 15, for those keeping track), I thought I'd reflect on my year as a 16 year old in conservative suburbia.

(Or "conservativia")

(Anyway)

I thought I'd get this overflow of newfound respect from the older public.

I thought I'd have my driver's liscense.

Well, I thought I'd at least have my learner's permit.

Ah, the silly pipe dreams of a wide-eyed 15 year old.

What I've come to find out is that people actually hate you more when you're 16.

Really.

Whenever someone acts immature or teenybopper-ish, they always say "wow, I'm acting like I'm 16! Hawhawhaw!"

Why not 13? Or 14? Or even 15? 16 is apparantly the least mature age to be.

It irks me.

You know, not all of us want to have unprotected sex with boy bands or Shakira or someone.

Or highlight our hair with Sun-in and pick up the latest Teen People at Abercrombie.

Some of us know the difference between "there, they're and their."

Some of us read George Orwell, and not because it was the assigned reading.

Some of us even tape the Discovery science channel when we know we're going to be out of town.

You know? Some of us do that.

And not all of us type like this:

~*LolZ*~ like omgz, i was at teh mallz teh ohter day with kristi an fluffi an natatshja or sumtin (lolz shes like an exzchange student an so thatz y her namez all weird! lolz! but were like still nice to her b/c all da boiz think shez hott so mebbe if we hang out wit her theyll like think were hott 2)

an like i saw dis kYoOtE bOi!! he had like bigg Abercrombie musclez an stuff! LoLZ!! he was like "omgz, ur hott!" and im all "ya so are u! do u yahoo?" an hez like "um wtf? like thatz not cool ok? but whutever u wanna blow me?" an im like "mmkay FUCKZ U! talkz 2 da hand!" an like then we got sum smoothiez an did it in his Camero.

but omg u guyz did u hear dat new remix of "girlfrend" by *NSync? i like saw da video an justin lookz SOOOOOO HOTT! omgz i wanna have hott anal sexx wit him like 400 timez.

Like omgz I can't believe I just typed all that.

I got carried away, sorry.

Anyway, what I'm getting at here is just because I'm 16 doesn't mean I only have 16% of a brain.

And as for the whole not-being-able-to-drive thing, I guess that's my own lazy fault.

But now all of my friends drive. So I have less of a drive to learn how to drive, I guess. Because they can transport me.

By the way, thanks for transporting me, kids.

I think I'm just going to buy one of those Barbie Power Wheels cars and drive to school in style. Because I don't think you need a liscence to drive those.

Pow-pow-power wheels!

Can you picture me now? Crusing down 26 at a top speed of 6 miles per hour, sipping on a Hi-C juice box and nibbling a biscotti, casually mouthing "cheerio, mate!" to rapidly passing traffic.

And for some reason I'm wearing piolet's goggles and a kicky wool scarf.

Or maybe I could just kick it farmer-style and drive the lawnmower. I wonder if I'd still have to pay for a parking permit if I offered to cut the grass every few weeks or so.

Though I'd need to get some massive speakers to drown out that loud blade-cutting noise.

Think of the bass I'd get with those puppies!

Or maybe I could just be normal and get my drivers liscence.

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