Sorry about the melodramatic content of the previous entry. I was feeling a bit melodramatic at the time.

But now it's cool.

And if I were an instrument, I'd want to be a cello. Because then I'd get played by asians.

(Rim shot)

My homies and me think that's pretty funny. We also think giving out cards from my Hidden Talents game out to random kids (namely freshmen) is funny. And we wrote "in bed" after every statement, too.

(i.e. "Who can do the best imitation of an aerobics instructor in bed?")

Anyway.

Hey, did you guys see the VMA's last night?

Yeah, don't worry, you didn't miss much. I just want to li-li-li-lick Jimmy Fallon from his head to his toes, is all.

Then maybe we could naked-wrestle for awhile...

Mmmm, naaaaaked wrestle...

(I usually don't watch the "Mtv," but when Jimmy Fallon is appearing on it one must make sacrifices.)

But I have a problem.

I keep accidently kicking my Beck CD into the trash can.

But I have a bigger problem.

I really like this boooooy. Not Brian or Ryan or any other "ian" sounding boy (because there are so many of those to begin with). So this is an improvement, I think.

But, well. Not really. Because there are some nasty complications.

DILDO!!!!!

I HATE YOU, PART OF ME THAT FINDS BOYS WITH PROBLEMS ATTACHED TO THEM ATTRACTIVE AND WONDERFUL AND NEAT!!!!!!

So I'm trying to kill it.

Really, I am.

But it just won't die. I think it made a pact with the devil or something, because I'm trying really hard.

Like, REALLY hard.

I dropped an atomic bomb on that part of my brain and it still won't die. Or get cancer due to the excessive radiation.

I'm trying to convince myself that he's gay. But that's not working out, because as weird as it sounds, that makes him even more attractive.

I'm also trying to convince myself that he hurts puppies for fun, and that he has sex with his dad.

Because those are qualities that I don't like in a perspective mate.

And at first it was just "well, I've always kind of liked him and everyone else I like left. But, oh! This bloak! He's still here. Hmm."

But now it's more like, "wow... how did I not see this before?"

In the words of my dad incorrectly quoting Jim Carey's character in The Mask...

"Somebody HELP me!!!"

(The infamous correct quotation is, of course, "somebody STOP me!!" Leave it to my dad to fuck that one up.)

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