I wonder if it's possible for me to stick my foot a little bit further into my mouth.

Really. Just a centimeter more would do.

I can say the dumbest and most unintentionally evil things when I'm half asleep.

We were all watching "Almost Famous" in Krista and Kate's room...and Ann, a neat girl who's currently enrolled in visual arts came in and was watching it with us.

I had kind of drifted off, but I could still hear the ladies talking.

Then Tom Cruise came into the conversation, and so did I.

Somehow we got around to talking about his braces and he being a dad and all and how all of that takes away from his sexiness.

So then I say in my semi-aware state,

"No, I appriciate the braces. They make him cute in an awkward prepubescent sort of way. And you know, he's not really a dad."

"Yeah, he is! He has two kids."

"Right, but they're adopted. It's not like they're his real kids or anything. So he's not really a dad. Technically."

And then I remember little adopted Ann, and then attempted to choke myself with my sweater.

What a horribly horrible thing for anyone to say to begin with. How could I say that?

I asked her to beat me up.

She declined. I think we're ok.

Do you ever just want to, you know, press rewind on your life?

Because a fancy remote control like that would really come in handy to me right now...

I would go back and say to my pre-humiliated self,

"Hey Megan! Watch out! You are about to be an asshole!"

But I think everything was ok, because then I made a funny noise when I was drifting off again right after that and everybody laughed. Including Ann.

Then someone farted.

It wasn't me.

Really.

P.S. -- This is us giving Amber a fro.

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