"Rort!"
11:59 p.m. on 06-18-02
What does that sound mean, kids?
(It's LYRICS time!)
That's right.
And if reading the lyrics alone isn't enough to get your stubborn asses to buy the CD and/or download the song, then maybe I could forcibly place my foot on your posterior.
I'd do it, you know.
For the song.
It's all about the music.
* = The absolute best line in a song, EVER.
Army
By: Ben Folds Five
Well I thought about the army
Dad said, son you're fucking high
And I thought, yeah there's a first for everything
So I took my old man's advice
Three sad semesters
It was only fifteen grand spent in bed
*I thought about the army
I dropped out and joined a band instead.*
Grew a moustache and a mullet
Got a job at Chic-fil-a
Citing artistic differences
The band broke up in May
And in June reformed without me
And they got a different name
I nuked another grandma's apple pie
And hung my head in shame
I've been thinking a lot today
I've been thinking a lot today
Oh, I think I'll write a screenplay
Oh, I think I'll take it to L.A.
Oh, I think I'll get it done yesterday.
Awww, shit....
(Badass piano solo)
(And you thought they couldn't be badass).
In this time of introspection
On the eve of my election
I say to my reflection
God, please spare me more rejection
Cause my peers they criticize me
And my ex-wives all despise me
Try to put it all behind me
But my redneck past is nipping at my heels.
I've been thinking a lot today
I've been thinking a lot today
I thought about the army...
Yes, well I suppose you would need to download it because the orchestration of it is the real beauty.
Well, part of the real beauty.
The whole song is really beautiful.
It makes me want to dance around my house, Risky Business style.
Not many things make me want to dance around my house Risky Business style.
(I shouldn't even have to mention this because it's an American classic, but Risky Business is that movie where Tom Cruise's parents give him the house for the weekend and he dances around and freaks out in his skivvies).
And I want to see the movie "After Hours." My mom said it freaked her out. So I figure it has to be good.
And also, I saw Jesus today.
There was some guy (with a mullet, I might add) walking along the highway with a McDonald's cup, dressed up as the lamb of god himself.
And it's not that guy who looks like Jesus.
"Jesus Joe."
No, it was really Jesus!
I wanted to scream out the window, "GET A JOB!!!"
Because that's what I usually say to random people walking down the highway.
But then I remembered.
He already has one.
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