I wish I believed in being drunk so I could get drunk.

Or something...like that...

Anyway today SUCKS, is what I'm nonsensically getting at.

I was going to go to Kristen's graduation party -- but then I realized that despite her being a spritely young lass, no, I do not want to see Ryan's glundyliscious face. And do you know why?

Because it would make me like him again.

I mean, I do like him. In a friendly manner. But seeing him would just set off some little "oh! Attractive boy! Time to shut up and stop being yourself!" antenna in my head. And that would be bad. I always do that. I've had enough of that.

This is what would happen:

I'd go to the party thinking "ok, he's out of my life, I don't care if I see him or not; I'll just be coldly friendly and see how it works out. Because I don't need him. Really! I don't."

But then, of course, he'd have to smile and do his little head-tilt and say something painfully witty and I'd melt like cheap makeup on a hot summer day.

And then I'd remember that he'll never like me the way I like him.

I could make him happy. But I don't think he believes in being happy.

God, he's got such a beautiful mind. His body -- is questionable. (Well, in a conventionally attractive sort of way. But I'm unconventional). But the mind thing is definetly hot.

So, yeah. That's out of the question.

And yes, I did consume a chicken sandwich for lunch today.

Me. A seasoned, hardcore vegetarian of about three years.

I can feel it digesting. Eeeeuuuhhh. I seriouslly feel ill. But I don't know, I just had this insane craving.

Two years of hardcoreness all gone to waste with one lousy segment of a decaying bird's muscle matter.

What was I thinking?

What was I THINKING!??!

So I suppose I'm off the veggie wagon. Momentaraly, at least.

This entry sucks. I'm in a really bad mood, you might want to read yesterday's instead.

Because THAT was really cool.

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