I love math.

I also love standardized testing.

When the two are combined, it's sheer bliss.

So you could imagine how psyched I was today when I got to take the Maryland High School Geometry Assessment.

I wrote a freestyle rap. About math. Yes, I did. I used it as one of my answers on the test. It goes a little like this:

Geometry is fly

Geometry is neat

Math is real killah,

That's the word on da street.

Yo I be takin' a test wit' all my ol' skool boyz,

While I bubble up my Scantron, don' you be makin' dat noise!

It's a distraction

Which makes a reaction

Of me fuckin' up ma' mothahfuckin' fractions!

So don' try to play me,

Bay-bee.

I see you lookin' off ma' answers an' actin' all shay-dee.

P to the R to the O-T-RACTOR

My homies an' me gettin' ready to factor

Out dis problem

I solve dem

It's silkyfine when I'm drawin' dat line

One-eighty degrees

Hold da cheese

"Find da circumference" - y'all, I do it wit ease!

Word to the third, B

Aiiight.

Peace out.

It sounds a lot better with a beat box.

But seriouslly, why does everyone think I'm a lesbian?

Almost every time I go to the mall, or even out in public, chicks try to pick me up.

And then Erica told me that I was as straight as a U-turn.

Which is not very straight.

Not that there's anything wrong with homosexuality.

I'm just...very much attracted to men. In fact, I'm so attracted to them that if I were a guy, I'd probably be gay.

But more importantly, this is Jill and me doing that "ooooouuuch" thing that E.T. does when someone gets hurt. You know that thing?

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