Telling stories about how you got shit-faced is pathetic.

Thinking that saying that makes you look cool is pathetic.

Thinking that cool is cool is pathetic.

Talking loudly about your personal problems is pathetic.

Thinking that anyone cares what you're talking about is also pathetic.

Preaching to little children about how you "almost died for them" is pathetic, if you're going to go out every weekend and continue your near-death experiences.

Being pseudo-artistic is pathetic.

Your high esteem for yourself is just overcompensation. Which is pathetic.

Your face is pathetic.

Thinking that you're going to make it out in the real world without heavy assistance is pathetic.

Running around with no pants is funny...

But when you do it, it's pathetic, and a little unsettling.

Stealing my #1 prospective college isn't pathetic -- it's just mean.

You piss me off. You make me an angry lady.

I'm glad you and your sad little bevy of friends will be gone next year.

But I will miss your mom.

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