I really like Thanksgiving. Being with my crazy, small, functionally disfunctional family is entertaining. Plus, you have an excuse for eating much more than the capacity of your stomach can hold. Because everyone else in America is doing it, too. Well, except for the starving, homeless ones. Wow, that sure brought me down.

I just watched "Home For the Holidays" alone, everyone else went to sleep. It's a tradition in the Boyle/West/Radabaugh family to watch it every Thanksgiving. It's a lovely movie. Downright lovely. Makes me wish our (immidiate) family was larger than 5 people.

I could've had a brother, you know. His name was Michael David; but he died. I got to wondering tonight, what he would look like now; what he'd be like. He would be a freshman. He'd probably look more like my dad, because I look more like my mom, and things usually work out that way. I bet I would've beaten him up at least once by now. I don't think I do well with little boys.

I really don't remember it happening, probably because I didn't understand. But when I was 2 years old, I just remember my mom and dad both being really sad that whole year. One day I was reading this book about giant strawberries with my dad, and I think he tried to explain it to me. That I had a brother for a minute or so. I think that's my first memory. I can't think further back.

After he died, that's when my parents stopped trying, and I became an only child. Well, except for Cris. She's my (much) older half-sister. I don't know why I'm suddenly thinking about this. It's very sad. I was feeling very not-sad earlier. Happy, even. Now I just want to.. cry.. or.. something.

Maybe I'll stop writing. I'm sorry. This was really depressing. I'll put in a joke for you, just.. because I feel bad.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it's dead.

Alright, so that probably didn't cheer you.. or.. me up. I can't think of any better jokes right now, though, so I'll just leave it at goodbye. Goodbye. =megan=

Neat-o song: "Murder" - The Crystal Method

****2:48 AM****

I'm in a better mood now. Not really, more like a "*sigh* moving on" mood. Which is better, I guess.

Now I'm just focusing on writing very, very abstract poetry and listening to the new Ben Folds CD. It's very good. I can't say the same for my poetry.

Last night Katie, Stephanie, and I all went out to Owings Mills to shop. It felt like putting on a pair of your old, favorite shoes. I miss hanging out with those kids. This year everyone seems to be busy with work and school and plays and such.. there's just no time anymore.

This I regret very much, because it's Steph's last year. I probably won't see her very much.. or.. at all, after graduation. It's going to suck, badly.

Thinking can be fun, but.. I think I think too much, sometimes. These days my inner monolouge has begun to interrupt itself, and each thought is more surreal than the next. It's hard to explain.

I'm looking into Buddhism. We're just learning about it in World History, and my family used to be really into it in the 70's. I like its philosophy very much, and although I've never particularly been a fan of organized religion, I think Siddhartha really hit the nail on the head.

The only setback for me were I to become a Buddhist is the lack of Christmas. I couldn't give up Christmas. It's just too nice.

Well, I've managed to ramble on enough tonight.

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