Does anyone know how to get white-out off your fingernails? Because I think I may have just made a very, very large mistake.

But we won't get into that.

This weekend, despite many opportunities and invites to do things, I've decided to keep productivity down to null. In fact, the most eventful thing I've done today is adjust the waistline on my pajama pants. Well, that, and the whole white-out fiasco. Which I wouldn't really call eventful, more.. misfortunate.

Anyway. I've been reflecting on a lot of things, and kind of realizing that all (well, many) of the guys I've liked have gotten away with being real assholes to me. One of them, who knew that I liked him and led me to believe he liked me, asked out one of my friends. (Heh, and then he called me.. not because I was going through such an emotionally hard time, but because I had made HER cry. Yeah, so, fuck that.)

Another dumped me so he could go roll around on the floor with other guys. Or, wrestle. You know, whatever. Another liked to pretend I didn't exist. Another just smiled at me as he continued to make out with some unknown girl. (Boy am I bitter tonight. Sorry. I just need to vent.)

Another.. who's.. well, not really an asshole.. just kind of pushed me aside and ignored how his decisions made me feel. I don't think he meant to do that, though, which made it especially hard getting over him, because the ones who aren't assholes are always the hardest ones to forget.

There's a part of me that still isn't over him, and that's a part of me that I can't stand. Because it doesn't seem to realize that nothing is going to happen with Ryan and me. Ever.

Well, that brought me down.

And the last one, the one I'm interested in now, isn't as much being an asshole to me.. but, well, more like using me. Which can feel nice in the moment, but then I realize that he's using me. And he has a girlfriend. More like a fiancee, actually. So I guess that does constitute asshole behavior. Although I'm still letting him do it, because I can't help but enjoy it in that moment.

That whole paragraph makes it seem like we're having sex; which, believe me, we're not. We're far from sex. We're the Pluto to the Sun of sex. I guess we're just having.. um.. blatant flirtations, which I try not to let get to me.

As Kristin W. once said, "If you don't have a boyfriend - then you're not single. You're just.. between things. You're surveying your prospects." I'd rather be between things than single. Too bad my #1 prospect hasn't been between things for about 4 years. I think I'll stop complaining, because no one likes a victim. No - wait - everyone likes the victim. Just, not if they're a victim all the time. Um. That made sense in my head. What the hell happened out loud?

On a totally unrelated note - German pop music is FUNNY. I was watching some "World Beat" show today on M2, and there was this German rapper guy who was trying to be all badass. I heard him utter the words "Darth Vader" and "Playstation" in his ghetto-fabulous video. It was awesome. I found it to be hilarious. I didn't understand what he was saying, but the whole absurdity of the events in the video and the German lyrics being said with such fury just -- made my day. I think his name was "Super Deluxe." Yowza. Don't mess with that one.

And now for some random, tasteless humor: "What is the first thing a woman should do when she gets out of the Battered Women's Shelter? The dishes, if she knows what's good for her!" - Send your hate mail to Brian Cangemi.

Well, off I go. =meg=

Neat-o song: "Strawberryfire" - Apples in Stereo

Bonus Neat-o song: "Heart Cooks Brain" - Modest Mouse (Thanks, Jake(:)

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